Parenthood Just May Kill Me; or Macy.

Oh where do I begin? Get ready for a long post my friends. It is part of the treatment plan for my self-diagnosed PTSD to write this all out. I will start from the beginning.

10am- I bought tickets to "Crayon Court," a random puppet-like show playing in Cedar City. I saw it in the paper over the weekend and looked it up online. Macy asked to watch the little video demo over and over, and kept saying "I see crayons on Monday."

1pm- Macy and I were playing in the living room. She said she wanted to "ride" her doll stroller and started to step into the stroller with one foot. As I told her not to do it because she was going to fall, she did. She tipped it over backwards and went down with it. On the way down she hit her face on her Little People house. I got to her in time to pick her up before blood dripped anywhere (except on me.)

I could tell her lip was cut on the outside and that her teeth were okay, but there was too much blood to see much else at that point. As I grabbed a paper towel from the kitchen to get me to the hall closet where the washcloths are, I called my mom on the phone to ask her if I should take Macy straight to the ER or call a specialist first. Sounds silly, but who thinks straight at that point? I can't hear much of what my mom is saying because of Macy's screaming (though she wants to be sure that I add that she said to take her straight to the ER :)), so I then call my neighbor, Ashlee, to ask if she can take me to the ER. She was out to lunch with her hubby and new baby but sent Josh straight to my house. I grabbed everything I thought I would need and throw it in the diaper bag, all while trying to keep blood from dripping all over the house. I went outside to wait for Josh in the front yard and texted Sam to call asap. He called and I tell him I'm going to the hospital. I can't really hear him so I tell him that I would just call later. Oh and yes, there was a guy looking at the house next door that is for sale and probably thought I was a looney.

Macy got her first ride in the front seat of a car and was so awestruck that she stopped crying. That is, until we got to the hospital and checked into the ER. Of course they wanted me to sign papers and give them money before being admitted, so I tried to do all that with a screaming Macy who did not want to have that blood pressure cuff on her arm. I called Sam and asked him to come to the hospital because I didn't think I could do it on my own. I finally got Macy to calm down a bit and read a book until Sam showed up and Macy started sobbing again. What would Macy do without Dad? After all the paperwork (i.e. copay) was done they sent us out to the waiting room. Time? about 1:40ish.

A picture taken from my cell phone in the waiting room. Doesn't look too bad, right? Take into account my crappy, old phone.

We got called into the ER a few minutes later and were put in a room to wait for the doctor. The nurse showed us how to work the TV and thank heavens they get PBS (Arthur, Clifford, Dinosaur Train, etc.). The doctor came in and looked at the cuts. By this time we could see that there were two cuts, one on the inside of Macy's mouth and one on the outside. I assume the inside one was cut by her tooth and the outside by the house. The doctor put some liquid numbing/constricting stuff on the outside cut so he could see exactly where the cut was and if it went past her lip line. Do you like how I know all the technical words for this?

Sam's phone does a little better job taking pics. After the doctor came back in and looked at her lip again, I, in the nicest way I could, asked if he thought it would be wise to have a plastic surgeon stitch her up instead. He said that because the cut went past her lip line, he thought it was worth calling someone in and asked if I had someone I would like him to call. Thankfully, while in the waiting room I called a friend who had a plastic surgeon sew up a cut on her daughter's lip. This doctor/office shall be kept nameless for now. I told the doctor the name and he said he would call. However, in the same conversation he had mentioned a Dr. Davis... an oral/facial surgeon. I told him to go ahead and call the other guy instead.

Now the crappy part begins... as if it weren't crappy enough. A half hour or so goes by and the doctor came back in to say that he called the plastics office once, and was told the doctor just went in with a patient and would call back as soon as he was out. Then he called a second time and left another message for him. No explanations, that's all I know. Meanwhile, the doctor decided to also call Dr. Davis. He got a hold of Dr. Davis who was at the time in Vegas and on his way back. It would be at least another two hours before he got there but said he would be happy to come in if we needed him.

At this point it was probably around 3:30? Macy was hungry and asking for food. I asked the doctor if she could have anything and he said probably not, figuring they would have to sedate her to do her stitches. I kept telling Macy we had to wait for the doctor to come and fix her lip before she could have a snack. She seemed to understand, miraculously. However, she was getting sick of watching TV and kept asking to go outside. Sam and I ended up taking turns walking her outside on the hospital grounds. I'm sure it was quite a sight... Macy with her lip all disgusting, and me with blood all over my shirt. Nice. On the other hand, there was a nice lady running the valet parking who entertained her for a few minutes by blowing bubbles. Not just any bubbles, mind you, big, bubbles within bubbles and all sorts of fancy stuff. This lady must have a lot of time on her hands, but that day it paid off. Macy also got to talk to my mom on the phone a few times. She said, "Macy sad." "Macy is crying." and "Macy has a booboo." This girl was a trooper. The only downers about that part of the afternoon were #1 The grumpy old lady manning the ER doors, and #2 The dead person Sam saw someone carry in, in their arms. Sam warned me about the old lady before I went on my turn with Macy outside, but I thought he was being too sensitive or something. Nope, he wasn't. However, once I explained what we were doing and why we were waiting, the old lady found compassion on us and was fine the rest of the time. All people need is a little education, right? And I would be pretty stressed out too if I had people carrying in dead and severely injured people to check into the ER all day long. I was a little worried that Macy saw the sad scene with the dead person but Sam assured me that she was distracted by the toys in the waiting room. I'm pretty sure that scene would have been the least of Macy's troubles.

By 4pm the ER doctor said we would be waiting for this Dr. Davis to drive in from Vegas and that he never got a return call from the plastics office. At this point I did not care what specialist came to do the job... just come already, someone! Where were all the plastic surgeons? Too busy with.... okay, I won't go there. I will try to be nice. I realize that some of these plastic surgeons don't want to mess with more or less a one time patient that won't bring them much money, but come on, she is one year old! Did no one care?

A nurse told me that the doctor should be in around 5ish. The ER doctor told Sam that he thought it would be more around 5:30 or 6pm. More waiting, more tv, more walking around, more phone calls. No food, no drinks. Someone shoot me. Macy finally fell asleep around 5:30. She has never fallen asleep on us (unless you count newborn to two months of age).

You know you are a hardcore thumb sucker if you can suck your thumb with a nasty, cut up lip.

Macy slept for maybe 20 minutes or so and woke up only to find that the PBS kids programming ends at 6pm. Now what? Sam went out to check on the status of things and came back saying that Dr. Davis said he was on his way but may have gotten caught up by something along the way. Maybe that something was dinner. Who knows, right?

7pm- Macy waited six hours from the incident to finally see a specialist. No food, no drinks, minimal sleep. What on earth can you expect from a one year old? I can guarantee you that we watched the most expensive 13 inch tv in the world that day. Do they charge by the hour?

Let's get this nightmare started! So, Macy saw all these people coming into the room and started sobbing. Did she know what was coming? Could I opt out? They originally said they were going to give Macy some kind of relaxant through an oxygen mask first but as we explained to them that she is famous for working herself up so much that she throws up, they reconsider and call in a respiratory therapist instead. We don't need this kid to choke. So instead we had four people help in getting her IV going. She sat on my lap, Sam held her hand and talked to her, a tech held her other arm, and the nurse did the IV. Boy, kids are strong. Random note- both the tech and the nurse's names are Ryan. Didn't see the respiratory therapist's name...probably Ryan.

Once the IV was in, Dr. Davis came back in the room (perfect timing I'm sure) and had the nurse give Macy a Versed-like drug. It is a "conscious sedation" drug and it works quickly. It is freaky. Twilight Zone freaky. Zombie-like and scary. Eyes open, vague expressions, staring indefinitely. Sad and spooky at the same time. Moaning and crying out. Saying, "Daddy hold you (me)."

Dr. Davis let Sam lie on the bed with Macy leaning against him in his lap for the surgery. Macy with her IV, blood pressure cuff, and finger pulse thing. I thought it was super nice of him. I'm not sure if many other doctors would allow it. It was also nice because Sam could talk to her in her ear during the surgery. I know they said Macy won't remember anything, but you would think somehow her little spirit would remember something, somehow. So talk Sam did. He reminded her that he was there, shushed her, and even talked about going to see our neighbor's new fish. During part of the surgery Macy started coming out of the sedation. Dr. Davis said, "Well she chewed right through that one..." and gave her another dose. We could see it start working again and then he continued. Dr. Davis had to stitch together some muscle inside her lip, then the skin inside her lip, then line up the outside of her lip and stitch that. Holy cow. I didn't ask how many stitches and I'm not sure he even counted them. I will ask at her follow up.

Originally Sam offered to hold Macy through the surgery because I wasn't sure I could do it. However, because of his angle he didn't see the surgery. I, on the other hand, was sitting in the chair with a great view of the whole thing. Nothing makes you want to puke more than seeing that, at least, not for me. It's kind of like a train wreck. I also tried watching the TV to distract myself here and there. Dancing with the Stars just didn't do it for me.

After the stitching was finished, Dr. Davis explained that he used all dissolvable stitches. Thank heavens for that. We would have had to go through the same process to take them back out if he hadn't. He also said that he was able to line her lip up well, and that he thought that by sewing together the muscle in her lip first, that she would keep the same lip shape. He said her scarring would be "minimal."

Sam and I traded places and I held Macy as she came out of sedation. They warned us that coming off the drugs was a "crazy experience." As if the whole thing wasn't crazy already. Macy dry heaved and burped a ton. Gross, I know, but I am so glad she hadn't had anything to eat or drink. What a blessing that we were able to hold her off for so long. The nurse and the respiratory therapist stayed in the room to keep an eye on her. Macy cried and cried. My guess is that her brain was waking up and she couldn't get her body to move and do what she wanted it to do. That would be pretty scary! As soon as she could get words out she was saying, "Daddy hold you (who cares if Mom is here!)," "Go home!" and "Off!" She hated that blood pressure cuff and the finger pulse. The IV was an obvious. The nurse and the therapist left after some time and Sam went home to get the car with the car seat. 8:15pm I carried Macy out of the ER, with the poor people in the waiting room wondering what on earth happened to her. Macy started asking for popcicles. I told her she could have whatever she wanted. I sat in the backseat with Macy on the way home, holding her hand.

Macy ate a green popsicle (no other color would do apparently) and drank a big cup of apple juice while watching "the dog show," aka 101 Dalmations, when we got home. We gave her some Motrin and put her to bed with her normal bedtime routine (minus brushing her teeth... pretend you didn't read this, Mom.) Sam also gave her a blessing and Macy just sat, wide-eyed and listening, with her arms folded. I checked on her twenty minutes after we put her to bed and she was snoozing away, lying on her face. How would that even feel good?

As far as not remembering anything while on the sedation drug, just let me say this... as Macy was coming around and could do more than just cry and say "go home," etc., she started asking if Ashlee was home. Then she said, "Macy see new fish and new baby" (both at Ashlee's house). Then she kept shushing us. Go ahead and tell me she doesn't remember.

10pm- Macy was finally asleep in her bed. Sam ran to the store to pick up some groceries and to get us some dinner. I, meanwhile, had a mini meltdown. TRAUMA. That's all I have to say. Sam came home and I had said a prayer and composed myself. I tried to explain to Sam that I wasn't hungry and he tried to convince me it was because I hadn't eaten. I told him that food doesn't cure guilt. He looked at me, confused, and I cried some more. Could I have prevented it? Could I have gotten to her in time? Even more than wondering about those kinds of questions, the fact that she had to go through so much and that I sat and watched all of it was more. Images of the surgery, waking up in the middle of it, coming out of it... I won't get into the fact that I had a dream the very night before where Macy had a huge fat lip and I didn't know how it happened.

The first thing Macy said to me this morning was, "Where'd the doctor go?" Then she asked to go to the park, Ashlee's house, on a walk with Ralston, and to the "crayon show." Throughout the day Macy said, "I go to the crayon show on Monday." I didn't have the heart to tell her we missed it.

The doctor's office called first thing this morning to see how she was doing and to schedule a follow up appointment. I had questions, specifically about the inside of her lip because it looked just awful. It seriously looks worse than it did before he stitched it. I wondered if the stitching came loose or something. The office was great and answered everything right away. Note to all who are wondering (not that anyone has read this whole thing to this point): sores, etc., in your mouth look totally disgusting when they are healing and that is normal.

You would think those cheeks are from swelling. Nope! Just the lip :)

Macy loves her little blankies. At the hospital she had her hippo. Sam looked for another blankie when we got home, came in and said, "Would you rather let Macy have a dirty monkey that has been in her hamper or a bloody hippo that's been on a hospital floor?"

If you look close enough you can see a few long stitches under Macy's lip. No, it's not a flavor saver. You'd think the long stitch ends would bother her but they are super soft. Even if they did bother her, one tug on those and she won't touch them again, I'm sure.

Isn't this the saddest picture?

You have no idea how much I wish this one was focused.

If you look close enough, you can see how big the cut on the outside of her lip was.

Trying out some new tricks.

How does that not hurt?

Today was a low key day at our house. Lots of lounging and show watching. Tonight we took Macy to Target to let her have her pick of any toy she wanted. Thankfully she hasn't yet learned the art of taking her parents to the cleaners. We let her choose her two favorites (one being from my mom). She ended up with a doll she can take in the bathtub and an old fashioned Jack-in-the-box (weird how it makes her so happy. I hate those things.)

So what becomes of the plastic surgeon/office we called first that never responded? To be determined. I called the office manager today and left a message asking her to return my call. I explained a bit of what happened on our end, realizing we only have half the story. However, I will have no problem shouting this guy's name and office from the roof tops if they respond negatively. No news is good news for them, so bad news it will have to be. As long as someone knows about it and understands what happened, maybe they can fix it in the future so some other one year old doesn't have to wait six hours to see a doc.

A big thank you to Ashlee and Josh for letting us ruin their lunch with an ER run. Also thanks to Kelsey for taking over some of my young women responsibilities so I could do more for Macy. Macy especially enjoyed a visit from Kelsey's little boy. The giraffe is the cutest, softest thing ever. And of course... thank you to everyone with your concerned phone calls. You have all now heard too much from me. Big surprise, huh?